Tag Archives: suicide

bipolar bear cat toss

When Someone Says “I Don’t Admire You”

Has anyone ever told you they don’t admire you?

How is one supposed to react to a comment like that?

Is throwing things at them out of the question?

What if the person is a really close friend, relative, or someone you really look up to?

What if you’ve looked up to this person for years, confiding in them, trying to please them, and all of a sudden you come to find out this whole time they’ve simply been putting up with you, that they think they’re above you in every way…?

What if you have to live with someone who has such a low opinion of you?

Wouldn’t you want to throw things at them too?

I’m not saying anything sharp or heavy.

Something big enough to get your point across but that doesn’t leave a mark.

Don’t forget to use your death-ray stare against your aggressor as you throw a fluffy object at him.


People- we all tend to say stupid things when we’re angry, and if we’re always angry, we’ll only say stupid things.

“Stupid” in the sense that they don’t contribute anything positive to this here world of ours which is already in a sorry state, and the mean comments could have gone without saying.

Ok, yes, he doesn’t admire me. I’m not admirable. So what?

I’m already trying as hard as I can to be a good person.

The inability to impress someone who means a lot to me only discourages me. It kind of makes me want to run through traffic or off a cliff.

But one person’s opinion can’t be my whole world.

My opinion of myself always has to carry more weight than others’ opinions of me, because aside from God, no one else understands my circumstances.

That is why it’s so important to have a healthy self-esteem to begin with.

Every morning, wake up and thank God he made you so great.

Some people think love and admiration go hand in hand.

Others think you can love someone without necessarily admiring them.

Both points of view seem valid.

In other words, I have no idea. I just know it hurts.

lawn chairs and yellow rose

Flatulence, Free Writes and the Porpoise of Life

Recently I was visiting a couple of friends at their house when the husband farted.
“Did you just fart?” asked his wife.
“Yes. That’s what people do.”
“I love you so much!” his wife exclaimed.
OK. That is really not the reaction my husband would get from me.

But lately I’ve been going to groups I find on meetup.com and one of them is a free write group, coordinated by Amy Robinson.
About twelve of us meet at a coffeehouse or book store and she gives us writing prompts.
I don’t spend time with any of them outside of the group, but writing with someone connects you to them in a different way.
It is as if you are letting them into your house, your personal space, but a space you will never be able to move out of.
When we share our writing with someone, we are opening the doors to our souls.
“Come in! Come in! This is what I think. This is who I really am. Critique me. Love me. Drink up my feelings and feast on my opinions.”
Especially free writes. I mean, all of that’s unedited.

At the group, when someone reads a piece, the others give positive feedback.
The prompt last Saturday was to write about something that is a big deal to one person but no one else cares.
Well I improvised a story about a girl who thinks she wants to kill herself because the guy who used to stalk her no longer goes to the place where they once met.
After I read it, a long awkward silence ensued. Finally I said, “OK…”
A couple people were nice enough to hurriedly come up with positive comments but they were just being polite.

So when we write a lot, some of our writing can be “farts” so to speak.
I’m not saying my story was. I personally found it to be very funny. Like an inside joke that only I got.
But I’m sure now and then I’ve blogged stupid things.
I just think if someone can read you that way, if they can overstay their visit and never want to leave… maybe the girl in my story wouldn’t kill herself.
Maybe writing’s enough of a reason to keep on living.