Whoa, I just read what I wrote almost a year ago– That’s some dark stuff there.
I didn’t remember having written that, but looking back I understand what was going on.
That’s the power of blogging.
Well the old me is back, the real me, the one who uses a pseudo-pseudonym and wants to write 24/7, even when I’m dreaming.
The truth is I never really stopped writing; it was just very dark and lonely and unsuitable for this blog’s audience.
So it was on Tumblr.
I don’t want to go into details about the past, but my marriage is as good as it’ll ever be.
I am less interdependent so if that relationship goes down I think I might skip a beat but probably not 2 and definitely not 3.
Now I no longer commute for work. My boss got me an office a few blocks from my home, so I could concentrate on sales, and I no longer have to wait for coworkers to leave the room before I can write.
I’m all alone here, just me and the Internetz.
And the phone. That rings every now and then but I’m not sure how it works. I think it’s trying to tell me something.
Oh! My faithful subscribers. How I’ve missed thee. If only you could know the anguish our separation has wretched me with. I shalt never leave thee again!
Unless I die. In which case, leaving thee is entirely involuntary and should not be held against me.
Unless it’s suicide.
If I kill myself you can be mad at me. But not if it’s accidental, like an overdose. Stuff loses its strength over time. They don’t make it like they used to.
Anyway, let me tell you what my office is like.
It is on the second story behind an art gallery which sells weird ethnic art, like the African pieces my boss had at his office. I imagine that subconsciously it largely influenced his decision to choose this location.
There is a winery next next door and the mother of the owners is a new friend of mine from my church. My friend also owns the vineyard so in a way it makes me feel special somehow even though it has little to do with me.
In my office, there is a tiny window out of which one can view happy little people- “kids” i think they are called- playing in a park-like setting, around a beautiful fountain surrounded by red and yellow sycamore trees.
The window has bars over it in the old Spanish style and is a small reminder that whilst i am at work, i am to think of myself as a prisoner and partake in none of those joys which i may observe below.
My one point of social interaction is when i walk to the post office every day, or when i get lucky, the FedEx drop off.
The clerks at the post office know me now and they are like 100 times nicer than the ones in DOWNTOWN SANTA BARBARA- yes, I HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS you mean clerk who made shipping packages from there a living hell.
(Just that one clerk though- all the other ones were nice, especially Daniel and Michael. I think they are vets). (War vets not animal vets otherwise their career counselors should have told them).
Everyday the bell at the post office tower chimes out a song. Lately it’s been a lot of Christmas music, which some of us find tastefully offensive. But mostly it’s old American classics, the same kind that used to play in my 65 Mustang’s AM radio.
My office kind of has more space than i need and no walls. My boss let me have his old glass desk so i need to rearrange the computer stuff onto that but i’ve been meaning to do it for 6 weeks now and i just can’t seem to bring myself to do it.
I have what they call lazyphoria.
The office is very cold but it has a brand new climate system which no one knows how to program for heating, only for cooling.
Sometimes i bring my guitar but i can’t play very loud because i’m afraid the other tenants will hear me and ask me to perform for them. Then my boss might find out i’m using the office for concertos and then he’d want to get me a bigger office. But i like this one just fine.
There is a skylight on the ceiling.
Well duh, it’s not like there would be a skylight on the floor… *clears throat*
I guess that counts as a window too. I can see some form of rusty pipe and sometimes clouds, but today the sky is blue- like a tepid sky-blue.
Once, down the hall, the hatch to the roof was open and I climbed the ladder because no one was around and the hatch was open, beckoning for someone to climb up through it. There were only more pipes and roof gravel.
Downer down the hall there are a couple of architects who mostly just look stuck up but are actually quite decent, i imagine, and a married couple who are masseuses, (am i saying that right?) and they are just about the nicest people one could ever meet.
Downstairs there is the shared girls’ room, which ought to have but does not have a mirror, because i assume the other tenants are too ugly an no one wants to remind them of that.
Someone is building a tapas bar so i have that to look forward to.
Perhaps then i shall make a friend or two.
But knowing me, i’ll probably just observe them and then write about them.
So now you have something to look forward to too!