Tag Archives: bus

The Wrong Bus

Ave managed to walk all over downtown and get her errands done before 5.
She could take an early bus home or go to the art store 3 blocks away.
She was short on art funds and in this 90 degree weather she thought about how crisp the a/c would be inside the big blue bus.
She detached into her virtual world at the stop for a few minutes as a row of professionaly dressed non-sweaty females stealthily trickled up against the local library.
When the bus pulled up, there was something wrong about it.
The driver was unrecognizable to her.
She hadn’t taken that particular bus in a few months.
It was packed.
She waddled her way down the aisle to the first empty seat with an ocean view, which was also the last seat on that side of the bus.
She closed her eyes and grinned as the a/c vents blasted her thick curly head.
Just when she was about to pull the lever to lean the seat back, she noticed a lump on the armrest.
A blue goop.
Yuck.
A gum.
It was a gum!
A chewed up wad of a guck of a germ laden gum!
She quickly grabbed her bag and coat and hopped to the seat across; one with an ample view of the freeway.
The gum kept looking at her across the aisle as if it was about to grow legs and strangle her.
She took out her bus schedule in order to text her husband about not forgetting to pick her up.
There was no scheduled stop to where she was going.
Was this not the bus that she used to take all the time to get home?
The horizontal line on the trifold page could not be wrong.
This bus she was on made no such stop.
In a flash, she saw her fate before her: “Honey! I got on the wrong bus!”
“How do these things always happen to you?!? I can’t pick you up til 10!” (Hypothetical).
She ran to the front and begged for a transfer slip.
(Since her bus funds were also low.)
As she made chit chat at the next stop with a normally apathetic woman, she noticed a shady stone wall that beckoned at her.
She waited for the woman to look the other way before akwardly straying over there.
“Ahhh,” she thought, “no a/c but shade is nice.”
But something kept tickling her up her skirt til she finally became paranoid and shot up onto her feet.
She’d been sitting just above a spider web.
‘That spider was trying to rape me!’ she gasped.
The next big blue bus pulled up and Ave verified the destination with the driver.
She put her transfer into the machine thingy (what did we call it last time? Dollar gobbler?) and momentarily freaked out as an automated voice announced to the rest of the passengers, “TRANSFER DENIED. PASSENGER IS POOR. PASSENGER STOP HOLDING EVERYONE UP.”
She turned red-panicky toward the driver.
“Let me guess,” said the driver. “You got on the wrong bus?”
Ave waddled her way to the back seat of the ocean-facing side of the bus, the only available ocean-view seat, and did a general search of the area for any stray gum guck.
This was, in fact, the right bus.

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Ocean view. Big deal.

The bus arrived early at her off stop.
She mingled with a pack of homeless waiting to be picked up.
Well “mingled” is such a strong word.
Maybe she just didn’t hide from them.

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Today On The Bus

Welcome to my new blog section titled, “Today On The Bus,” where you can get a first hand in depth view second hand general overview of what the Ventura public transit system is really like in this quaint metropoli.

Today’s story consists of two and a half characters: the Mademoiselle, the Gentleman, and the Chauffeur (the Chauffeur is more of an extra, although he plays a vital role in the scenery.)

Ok, ok let’s get started.

Today on the bus, Mademoiselle Passenger was having trouble getting the wrinkled dollar bills into the ticket machine.
(Not that the machine actually gives one a ticket… We just don’t know what else to call it.)
(Let’s call it Dollar-Gobbler for the sake of this story).

Mademoiselle Passenger was having trouble getting the wrinkled dollar bills into the Dollar-Gobbler.
She must admit she’s been a bit apprehensive of it since the city replaced the old machines.
She liked the old Dollar-Gobblers way better.
These new ones seem to try to eat her fingers.
The old ones were often broken and she could ride the bus for free.
But with the latest high-tech Dollar-Gobblers installed, she has no choice but to pay.
I suppose she could drive her car to work but then she wouldn’t have time to read.

Anyway, the new Dollar-Gobbler made a horrifying screeching sound as it refused to gobble her third dollar bill and took a nibble at her index finger.
Mademoiselle Passenger blushed and apologized to the people in the long line behind her.
Monsieur Gentleman lifted his backpack from the seat next to his as she walked down the aisle.
She accepted the invitation with a humble smile, mumbling the obvious, “May I sit here?” as the handsome gentleman nodded.

Now, Mademoiselle Passenger doesn’t generally sit next to men, but the female bus partners were taken, and this was the cleanest looking male.

She thought about making chit chat but hadn’t had time to use her mouthwash that morning.
So she read while he scrolled down his phone screen and now and then scribbled on a tiny notebook.
In such circumstances, half an hour went by.

Mademoiselle Passenger was self conscious about her face, having not had time to do her makeup that morning.
She wondered why she cared.
Just because Monsieur Gentleman was handsome in no way meant she had any chance with him, even if she’d had makeup on.
Then she felt warmness all along her left arm.
What’s this?
Monsieur Gentleman was leaning on her.
She thought about leaning back but then remembered the mouthwash.
Hm.
Strange feeling that someone of the opposite sex actually wants to be physically close to you.
She let the moment live itself out.
Five or ten minutes went by when Monsieur Gentleman seemed to have realized his posture wasn’t entirely appropriate and he sat up straight.
(Either that or he also took note of the mouthwash).

(Enter Chauffeur).
“Smart n Final. Smart n Final, get ready!” announced the chauffeur in a sing-song voice, 20 minutes later, as the bus slowed down.

“Excuse me,” said Monsieur Gentleman, “This is my stop.”

Mademoiselle Passenger bent sideways on her seat and smiled ever so politely as she was too lazy to get up to let him through.

Will these two passengers ever meet again?
Will Mademoiselle Passenger learn to manage her time better and use the mouthwash?
Or will it not make a difference because she is moving and will no longer ride this bus?
Tune in next week for another exciting semi-exciting interesting saga of “Today On The Bus.”

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Things you see from the bus.