Category Archives: Poetry

ironic, sarcastic, crude, humorous, silly poems

Hypothetical Avocado

Hypothetical Avocado
You’re my very best friend.
In the breakfast or in the dinner
You’re more than just make pretend.
I can spread you on
Tortillas
Or I can spread you on
Bread.
I can spread you
On chinchillas
Or even on my own head!
Hypothetical Avocado
Don’t ever dare leave my side.
Many fruits come and go.
They are mere passers-by.
I can’t spread them
On potatoes,
I can’t spread them
On rice.
Hypothetical Avocado!
You’re the
Apple
Of my eyes.

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Jazz Club

You, with your
Experimental martini
In your hands
While I pretend
I can finish my sssentence.
I guess it’s safe to say
We’re still friends.
That one guy
In the unbuttoned
Button-up shirt
Is too old for you
Anyway
“But maybe he’ll call,”
While the jazz ensemble
Plays
70s pop instead.
A blue light from the bar
Bounces off red glass rims
As we talk
Lessons in history
And I learn
What you really think of
‘People like me…’
Not that it makes a difference
On weekdays.
Thus, you cover my tab
And the jazz ensemble plays
On.
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The Missing Period

Did you ever miss a period
In a run on sentence,
A period that you misplaced,
A period so round and subtle
Like the beauty mark on your face-
Wasn’t under a comma,
Not between a pause…
It built up suspense
Like light through a lens
But that period was still
At a loss,
You looked under dashes,
Question marks?
Hashes,
Called out for it!
But it still didn’t come
So you crawled under an
Apostrophe
But felt like
Catastrophe
Because the period never begun
And what’s a semicolon
Ever even good for;
I bet it’s just
To make you feel safe
But oh that period,
The one that you wrote for-
That one’s done and gone
Like a knave.

Here Comes the Sun

A poem by Fifa Cat

Come on!
Come on!
Here comes the sun!
All cats-
Skinnies and Fats-
Gather to our windows
As the bright
Fire light
Emerges from
Fuzzy blanket
Of darkness.
Oh but what bliss!
How it warms my tummy!
Purr purr,
Purr purr,
Ever so yummy!
You, Chariot
Of Great Cat Warrior
In the sky,
To you
Paws raise.
In your honor
We lie.
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Bipolar Bear Vulture Woman

I Am Vulture

I am Vulture.
“Gawk! Gawk!”
Hear me gawk.
“Gawk!”
I prey on the fantasies of male souls who have but one thing in common:
Arrogance.
“Gawk!”
And when I perch on the branches of a tall Mesquite shrub,
I do not look beyond the horizon.
I look down at the blushing shell of a man who once was secure,
A man who will not sleep tonight,
A man who will hate me because he cannot have me,
Because my mere flight makes him uneasy,
Because I am Vulture.
I’m not supposed to look this graceful
Flying circles around your head.
“Gawk!”

Bipolar Bear Vulture Woman
I am vulture.
“Gawk!”

Today

Today is the kind of day
That you kind of wish it was tomorrow.
Tomorrow bring what may,
Maybe worse than Today,
But Today would be well over.
No going back.
Rolled over by the
Bulldozer of Time.
Remnants of the slow painful hours
Crumpled to pieces,
Unrecognizable
By anyone that matters today
And who will probably matter tomorrow,
But maybe just maybe
Not.
Maybe just maybe
They won’t matter
At all
Because the key to surviving Today
Is Hope.
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Despair not! The sun will always rise again, with or without you.

The Girl Who Had Nothing to Do

This is a poem,
A poem about
The girl who had nothing to do.

She was a bit bored
Chewing on a cord
So she tied it back on her shoe.

She rolled off her bed
Looking for Ed-
An Ed she never once knew.

So she looked instead
Deep inside her head.
That bored her an awful lot too.

She went out to plow,
Made friends with a cow.
They took turns saying, “Moo, moo.”

They fell on the grass.
As she scratched her ass,
She asked why the sky is blue.

When the phone would ring
She just had to sing,
“Hello, is this Dr. Who?”

But it was quiet.
Hoax of a riot.
Reality can be untrue.

She ate the candy.
Belonged to some Andy.
Some not so easy to chew.

And once that was done,
Put her hair in a bun,
Watched the clock for an hour or two.

What’s that, you say?
A heck of a day?
She lives life without a clue?

Well guess what, Amigo…
Quiere estar contigo,
And she also writes poems about you.

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Blueberry Polaris sleeps soundly

Daily Prompt: Pride and Joy

Every night I embrace thee.
And in the morning thou dost not let go.
Thou alone tastes the tears I have shed.
Thou alone art mine,
Without eyes for another.
Thy skin- soft suede, softly presses
Sadness away till
Dreams dunk me down-
Senseless allegories
As my soul is sent back to thee.
Thy sense of self
Fulfilled in my peacefulness.
Together, we’ve overcome madness.
My prayers have found ears in thee.
My restlessness rests in thy nest.
Thou never did complain.
Truly, never has one felt so strongly
About a case filled with beads.
Oh Pillow- how I cherish thee!
Tireless support of my imagination
And keeper of my sacred sleep.

Blueberry Polaris sleeps soundly

Response to WP Daily Prompt: Pride and Joy

fat duck flying

I Hope

I hope you never die.
I hope no one ever has to lose you
With the exception of me.
I hope the sky is always blue
For you
(Unless you like gray).
(In which case I hope it’s gray).
I hope your kids grow up in a garden with a pond.
Yes.
A duck pond.
But the ducks will not migrate
Because I know you’ll overfeed them
And they will be too fat to fly.
I hope you have lots of them.
(Children, not ducks).
(Well, ok, ducks also).
(But especially children).
They will make you laugh
And you can explain things to them-
The way things really are-
Not the way people like me would have them believe.
Tell them unicorns aren’t real.
Tell them cats don’t know how to type or read.
Explain to them the laws of Physics
At an early age so they can not fit in at school.
Don’t give them a false sense of pride.
They find out sooner or later.
We all do;
When it’s too late to go back and change where we’re going
Because we didn’t know who we were.
But you are different.
That’s why I hope you never
Have to
Go away.
That is, with the exception of,
From me.

fat duck flying

God of Cookie poem

Prayer to the God of Cookie

God of Cookie poem

Dear God of Cookie
Bless├ęd be thy dough within.
May each chocolate chip exult thy tasty glory,
And may thy crumbling sugar
Serve to remind us
That we too shall one day crumble
Into this earth.
Forgive our shortcake comings
And please provide a cookie
To every hungry child in this world-
Perhaps redistributing them
From some of the overweight kids.
Help us through indulgence.
Amen.