Category Archives: Silly Drawings

Pregnant Bi-Polar Bear Blueberry Polaris Knitting

Dear Body,

Dear Body,

Good morning.

I understand that you haven’t been feeling well lately and this is the second time our immune system collapses in three months.

I want you to know I appreciate all your hard work and don’t blame you for our present state.

I am sorry if I don’t always give you everything you need and for keeping you up at night worrying about irrelevant things.

Sometimes I act like you embarrass me, but the truth is I am very proud of you and wouldn’t want to live inside any other body.

Sure, we have our differences of opinion…
You want to eat x number of cupcakes whereas I only want half… You want to lie in the sand whereas I force you to run on it…
But I try to make up for your sacrifices by supplying you with ample amounts of chocolate.

Bi-Polar Bear Blueberry Polaris Cupcakes, Cookies n Beer

I received your list of requests you made me.
I don’t think I can get you more hugs but I will work on it.
I don’t know what to do about all the work hours and the commute.
To be honest, that has been very hard on me too.
Ok, ok, I will look for a job closer by, even if it pays less.
I agree that I need to spend more time playing guitar.

I am glad we are communicating with each other again, even if it is through a blog.

I know you liked the food in Italy more than the food here so I promise to take you back there some day.

It’s true- I stopped trying to make you look pretty months ago, but it’s not that I don’t care.
You look good enough without makeup.
Ok, ok, I’ll try a little harder.
But I’m not going to torture you with waxes or substances that smell like ammonia.

My dearest Body, I tend to have lapses in judgment and you usually pay the consequences.

Bi-Polar Bear Blueberry Polaris Throws Up
Hang in there.
I need you.

Sincerely,
Me.
Which is the same as you.
You-me.
Me-you.
Whatever.

PS- I know your natural inclination is to try to get pregnant but I’m not sure that’s what either of us really wants.

Pregnant Bi-Polar Bear Blueberry Polaris Knitting

Pregnant Bi-Polar Bear Blueberry Polaris Throws Up

© Ave Valencia 2015

Jury Duty Part 4

These are the drawings I mentioned in “Jury Duty Part 3” post, with the line in the fire pamphlet that prompted them.

forest fire animals

AveForestFire

bipolarbear-firefighterbipolarbear-firefighter

Speaking of prompts, I really liked today’s Daily Prompt about whose life story you’d like to hear.
I enjoy Bitter Ben’s blog but he’d probably ruin my day.
I’d also like to hear Theodore Ficklestein’s life story but mostly because he hardly writes anything concrete about himself.
He is practically the most anonymous elusive blogger that I know of.
What is it he’s trying so hard to keep to himself?

The TV room is full of napping jurors sleeping through a soap opera about the kidnapping of a guy named Sam.
I tried to kidnap a guy named Sam once. But he wouldn’t get in the car.

There’s a guy sitting in front of me wearing an army jacket who keeps laughing to himself.
Freaking me out.
The old man next to me is snoring.
Euw.
Time to go for a little walk. 🙂

 

Bipolar Bear Vulture Woman

I Am Vulture

I am Vulture.
“Gawk! Gawk!”
Hear me gawk.
“Gawk!”
I prey on the fantasies of male souls who have but one thing in common:
Arrogance.
“Gawk!”
And when I perch on the branches of a tall Mesquite shrub,
I do not look beyond the horizon.
I look down at the blushing shell of a man who once was secure,
A man who will not sleep tonight,
A man who will hate me because he cannot have me,
Because my mere flight makes him uneasy,
Because I am Vulture.
I’m not supposed to look this graceful
Flying circles around your head.
“Gawk!”

Bipolar Bear Vulture Woman
I am vulture.
“Gawk!”

The Ultimate Answer

How to get over a crush?
That is the question.
No, really, I’m asking.
This isn’t the answer; it’s the inquiry.

I know, I know, with all the problems in the world, not to mention what’s going on in our beloved Paris, how can I concentrate on this one little obstacle in my more or less irrelevant life…
Trust me, I can go on and on for hours about freedom of speech, tolerance and fanaticism, but in the end, what difference does it make?
It’s how you live that speaks the loudest.

So back to the question.
Oh yes, speaking of “the question,” I finished reading “The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” this week.
In the stories, “42” is the answer the mice’s super computer gives as being the answer to life, the universe and everything in it.
The author Douglas Adams never quite clarifies what the question is.
So in my head I made a mock Jeopardy round where “42” is always the answer.

I now have a number of theories as to what the question is.
42:
How many years should life last in order to feel satisfied?
(I found Marvin the robot to be the most relatable character.)
42:
How many dimensions are there?
42:
Which dimension are we in?
How many lives do we get in the video game of Life?
How many times do we need to pray for something before God hears us?
How many people can there be who look and act exactly like you?
How much should the most delicious burger in the universe cost?
How many cats can a person own before going completely crazy?
How many back up pencils do you need during a two-hour written test?
How many frames should you use in a 3-second animation?
How many bars of chocolate does a kid need to sell in order to win a decent prize?
How many times should you punch someone just for the heck of it?
How many minutes does good sex last?
How many years does it take to get over a crush?
How many soul mates does a person have?
How many times can a person get their heart broken before they are beyond all hope of recovery?
How many friends should you actually follow on Facebook?
Which is the best year of your life?

image

As I wrote this, my boss came in and gave me his point of view on the Paris tragedies and told me about No-Go zones in Minneapolis because Muslims pretty much self-govern there.
One of his family members has a permit to carry a concealed weapon in that neighborhood.
My boss is Adventist but I don’t know about his family.
Like I said, it’s how you live that speaks the loudest.

I’m still unclear as to the question but I venture to say Love is always the answer. Love and chocolate.

BiPolar Bear Bikini

Daily Prompt: You Sexy Thing

Bi-polar Bear can’t make up her mind as to her favorite outfit.

She knows how to dress confidently for every occasion.

BiPolar Bear Little Black Dress
About town…
BiPolar Bear Formal Aqua Dress
At an awards ceremony…
Bipolar Bear Sweatpants and Sweatshirt
At the gym…
BiPolar Bear Bikini
…and on vacation.

Drawn for WP Daily Prompt

fat duck flying

I Hope

I hope you never die.
I hope no one ever has to lose you
With the exception of me.
I hope the sky is always blue
For you
(Unless you like gray).
(In which case I hope it’s gray).
I hope your kids grow up in a garden with a pond.
Yes.
A duck pond.
But the ducks will not migrate
Because I know you’ll overfeed them
And they will be too fat to fly.
I hope you have lots of them.
(Children, not ducks).
(Well, ok, ducks also).
(But especially children).
They will make you laugh
And you can explain things to them-
The way things really are-
Not the way people like me would have them believe.
Tell them unicorns aren’t real.
Tell them cats don’t know how to type or read.
Explain to them the laws of Physics
At an early age so they can not fit in at school.
Don’t give them a false sense of pride.
They find out sooner or later.
We all do;
When it’s too late to go back and change where we’re going
Because we didn’t know who we were.
But you are different.
That’s why I hope you never
Have to
Go away.
That is, with the exception of,
From me.

fat duck flying

Bi-Polar Bear Gets a Phone Call

Bi-Polar Bear Gets a Phone Call