A Price on Happiness

I thought you couldn’t put a price on happiness…
What would you do with a 40% raise?
They said I was crucial, so I translated that into a fluffy round number.
I thought they were going to have a heart attack.
But unfortunately, they agreed to the raise.
40% more.
Just enough to cover my transportation costs and my long commute hours.
I was really looking forward to going home for lunch and working with my homegirlz.
(I was a teenager in the 90s).
This morning I awoke at 5:45 AM regretting my decision.
How ideal it would have been to bike to work at 8!
😥
Why did I sell out what I really wanted?
Every part of me wanted the lower-paying local receptionist job. Every part.
Then the transmission on my husband’s truck gave out.
I thought, ‘Great! I’ll work close by so he can just use my car.’
Life hands you a problem, God hands you a solution.
Then my potential new employer said I was too expensive and she could only afford me 4 days/week not 5.
‘Wonderful!’ thought I. ‘More time to do the things I like. Volunteer work and preparing for my state exam.’
Then my assistant pretty much quit and my bosses tried to put a price on my head.
So I did the math.
It’s the same number sites like salary.com say I should be making.
I knew that was way above their expectations so they’d act like sore losers, deny me of my raise and sense of pride, after which we’d spend an awkward last two weeks together with me trying to bring people up to speed, pretending to type extensive manuals that would only have lots of vignettes and pretty bullet points that were all blank.
I fretted all weekend.
I came to terms with my new simple lifestyle that had more time for spirituality.
I embraced my new town.
Then Monday morning rolled around.
I got to work late, as I do every Monday, and was immediately beckoned into their office.
I thought they’d try to negotiate.
I was ready for it.
Let the fire start.
But no.
They pretty much succumbed to my enchantments.
I was beside myself.
“But anyone could do my job.”
“We need you.”
“I’m really not even that good. Have you noticed how much I procrastinate?”
“Your role is special.”
“Listen- I have to tell you about this blog that I write-”
“Don’t you like working here?”
“Well yes but only when no one else is here-”
“We’ve invested a lot into training you. We know you won’t let us down.”
I extended my hand to thank them for the opportunity- that was a mistake- and my manager said, “I’m glad you’re staying. ”
Apparently in business when you shake hands it explicitly means you’re closing a deal.
I got no chance to think about it.
No chance to pray about it.
No chance to talk it over with Mr. Husband.
Just like that *poof* my new reality of biking to work and going home for lunch was gone.
What have I done to myself?
What have I done to my marriage?

Ohhhh 😦
Why couldn’t they just not value me like before?
Why didn’t I try harder to be a bad employee?
Wasn’t I lazy enough?
Was I too early coming in at 9:15?
Were the flip-animations I drew on the edge of Post-It pads too short?
Could I have been a little more racist toward some of our international customers?
My brother congratulated me and told me to see it as if I’m getting paid to come see my parents, since they only live 5 minutes from where I work.
But who wants to see their parents?
Hopefully I pass my state exam and it’s only for a few more months.
But now- I’m probably the most miserable person to have ever gotten a 40% raise.
I will therefor spend the rest of today’s work day looking through a home deco magazine full of fancy items which I guess I can now afford.
Ugh! Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

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2 thoughts on “A Price on Happiness

    1. The funny thing is if they had agreed to give me just a dollar raise a month ago instead of telling me I was replaceable, i would’ve never even thought about leaving.

      Like

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