Conversations With Brain

Otherwise known as the boring chronicles of a dying sex drive.

Body: “You over think.”

Brain: “I have time to kill.”

Body: “Kill it doing something fun.”

Brain: “He doesn’t like it when I wake him.”

Body: “Maybe he will this time.”

Brain: “Memory blockers haven’t been working these last couple days.”

Body: “Who cares. Use him.”

Brain: “It’s the other way around; he’s using us.”

Body: “I don’t mind.”

Brain: “That line you noticed under our eye tonight? All him. Trust me. You mind.”

Body: “Can’t you at least think of someone attractive? You know, what about that one guy we used to like?”

Brain: “Doesn’t work anymore. He didn’t like us, remember?”

Body: “YOU. He didn’t like you. I’m pretty sure he liked me.”

Brain: “I’m not going to argue this. But I had my doubts.”

Body: “That’s the problem. You second guess everything. Why do you have to be so damn picky?”

Brain: “My pickiness is keeping us alive and healthy. You should be proud of yourself. You’re not like most female bodies around you.”

Body: “There you go again imposing your values on me. Just give me something. Anything. A fantasy. You know, Bear Grylls looks pretty hot without his t-shirt.”

Brain: “He’s married. You get turned off by married guys.”

Body: “Well, yeah, if you bring it up.”

Brain: “Plus he’s got kids.”

Body: “I get the point.”

(Silence.)

Brain: “Just go to sleep.”

Body: “I’m not ready yet. Can’t you at least think of chocolate or some sort of carnal pleasure?”

Brain: “Chocolate. Chocolate Kisses. M&Ms. Organic Trader Joe’s dark chocolate.”

Body: “Mmm I’m drooling. Let’s go get some from the kitchen table.”

Brain: “Are you kidding me? No, we’ll make noise. We’ll wake him.”

Body: “It’ll be a start.”

Brain: “Do you really want to put more sugar into us so we can spend another two hours worrying about our sex drive?”

Body: “My sex drive is fine. It’s all your traumas that are giving us trouble.”

Brain: “This would be a lot easier if you were attracted to women.”

Body: “I refuse to have this conversation again. You need to accept me for who I am.”

Brain: “FINE. I’ll shut up now. That’s what you seem to want.”

Body: “I’m telling you what I want! Oh never mind, you never listen to me.”

Brain: “Ok, I’ll shut up.”

Body: “Shut up then.”

Brain: “But it’s because I want to shut up, not because of you.”

Body: “You just keep telling yourself that.”

Brain: “Goodnight.”

Body: “I already told you I’M NOT SLEEPY.”

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