Junk Food Awards

Daily Prompt: “Junk” Comfort Food Awards

Ladies and Gentleman, thank for joining us at our first ever Comfort Food Awards Ceremony.
But first, a few words from our organizer, Ms. Ave Valencia.

<applause>

Organizer: “As you will notice, I have substituted the word ‘Junk’ for ‘Comfort.’
‘Junk’ has a negative connotation that may result offensive to some of our guest foods.
It is as though they are being called ‘sub-food.’
To call something ‘junk’ implies that it should be thrown out but instead we are putting it in our bodies and hoping it does not turn into saturated fat and eventually gives us a heart attack or diabetes because the instant gratifaction of ‘junk’ food outweighs potential health hazards down the line.
Thank you Subconscious Appetite in the form of a Cake.”
<applause>

So yeeeeeah, let’s just call it junk food.
Alright, let’s begin.
As far as chips are concerned, Ranch Doritos, Bar-B-Q, and Sour Cream & Onion are the only ones on the list.
Anything else tastes pasty.
Our International Chips award goes to Mexican Takis.
These are rolled-up mini-tortillas, dried and sprinkled with spices.
It is like there is a mini-fiesta in your mouth!

We have decided to include a Candy Category.
Please hold your applause til I finish reading the list:
Pulparindo- Mexican Tamarind
Tommys- Mexican Caramel
Sweet Tarts- What I used to call my friends.
Dum-Dums- Free at the bank!
Whether’s- Mmmm how it melts in your tongue.
Smarties- Candy you can wear! Awesomesauce.
Jolly Rancher- The flavor bursts off the charts!
Fruit taffies- Sugar high!

We hope we didn’t leave any out.
If we did, we’ll have to make it up to them.
We’ll have a Festival of the Forgotton Candies.
Everyone will be there.
(Everyone meaning the candies + our organizer).

Moving on…
Pastries are in a family of their own, but if the shelf-life is longer than 6 months, Ave will not eat them.
That is, with the exception of dark chocolate.
Also, no cream or fruit fillings made it on the list.
So now we come to my favorite part.
The hardest part really.

Runners-up for most gratifying in the General Comfort Food category:
Chocolate Frosted & Glazed Donuts!
In fact, she’s eating one right now.
In third place, we have Pecan Cookies!
2nd Place was a three-way tie between Chocolate Chip, Macadamia Nut and Oreos!
And in 1st… Drum roll please…
The ultimate Comfort “junk” food…
Pepperidge Farm Orange Milano Cookies!!!
They are the perfect blend between sweet and acidy citric plus the bitterness of dark chocolate, sandwiched between practically crumbless soft bread.

<applause>

Any words from our winner?
“Yes, I would like to thank our maker, Pepperidge Farm and the cows who-”

Oh no! What’s this! Our organizer has eaten our winner!
Uhm… I believe we should run now.

Oganizer: “Nomnomnomnom. Thank you all for coming. Nomnomnomnom. It’s been a pleasure-nomnomnom-I hope to do this again next year-
Nom-Oh my!-nomnomnom-We’ll invite Milk.”

Written in response to WP prompt: Junk Food Junkie

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About Ave Valencia

My friends say I'm an artist. My cats think I'm the greatest thing since smoked salmon. My family- well let's just leave it at that.

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